But as stated before, if you’re past the early years wondering if it’s too late, it’s not. The brain has neuroplasticity – which is the ability to rewire based on new information. If you have past situations you aren’t proud of, you and your child can rewrite the ending through a process called repair. We want to prepare our kids to cope with emotions, not protect them from emotions they will inevitably experience. Resilience over happiness. 5. Tell the truth. Connection-building is ongoing and it creates the best environment for kids to bring their inside good to the outside, but it doesn’t do away with unwanted behaviors. In the next section, let’s talk first about bad behaviors, and then about normal behaviors that look bad. When Disconnection Occurs When we focus on what’s under the surface, when we give children what they need to be less combustible inside, their behavior will appear less explosive on the outside. By understanding what motivates behavior, we can help kids build resilience and regulate emotions, which will inevitably lead to behavioral changes.” Most generous interpretation This is the best parenting book I’ve ever read. Dr. Kennedy is a clinical PhD psychologist and her approach and methodology to parenting is one of compassion, understanding, patience and engagement. From this book I feel like I’ve learned three key things that all children seek: connection, bodily autonomy and boundaries. Most conflicts arise when one or all of these three needs are not being met. There are so many nuggets of good advice here that all cohere with a grand strategy of recognizing that behaviors are not your child, they are windows into their needs.

Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Becoming the Parent You

Sleep separation anxiety should start with day time separation anxiety and should be worked on during the day time. Put a picture of yourself next to their bed and a picture of you next to your bed to solidify that connection that they want at night. Do dry runs during the day of what the bedtime routine should look like. Using an MGI doesn’t make a bad behavior OK. It just helps you see the good kid or adult who is under the behavior. This encourages intervention from a place of seeing our kid as a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. This mindset difference is everything. 2. Know your job. In part two, Kennedy turns her attention to the emotional health of the child. She explains that children who are emotionally healthy are more likely to have positive relationships, academic success, and mental health. Kennedy offers several strategies for promoting emotional health in children, including modeling positive behavior, building emotional intelligence, and teaching children how to manage emotions. Kennedy also discusses the importance of creating a safe and nurturing environment for children, both physically and emotionally. Part Three: Navigating Common Parenting Challenges When your goal is resilience, not only do you have to work on yourself, you also have to see behavior for what it is – a glimpse into your child’s inner world. Whenever startling behaviors occur, remember to make your most generous interpretation, remind yourself that two things are true, and approach with a desire to understand. Nepievēršot uzmanību tam, kas notiek dziļāk, zem virsējā slāņa, mēs nespēsim mainīt spēkus, kas ierosina bērna uzvedību. Tas būtu līdzīgi kā nolikt spaini vietā, kur no griestiem tek ūdens, nevis meklēt cēloni, kāpēc tas tek. Ja pievēršamies galvenokārt uzvedībai, mēs zaudējam iespēju palīdzēt saviem bērniem attīstīt prasmes, kā arī palaižam garām iespēju raudzīties uz saviem bērniem kā uz cilvēkiem, nevis uzvedību kopumā.

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In this way, the good-inside method isn’t about honoring feelings and giving children whatever they want; it’s about honoring feelings and holding boundaries. To teach resilience, you need certain capabilities like empathy, listening, acceptance, and presence. You need to be able to help your child identify their strengths and learn to solve problems on their own. Here’s the hard part – to accomplish what you want for your child, you also have to treat yourself with the same love and respect.

Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy

Dzīvesspēka stiprināšana nozīmē attīstīt spēju izturēt grūtības, neatkāpties sarežģītā, izaicinošā dzīves brīdī, atrast pamatu zem kājām un labo pat tad, ja trūkst pierādījumu par to, ka gaidāmi panākumi. Despite the sunny cover and branding, it's still conceptually quite guilt/damage heavy. It's all about 'repairing' the damage. 'Rewiring' your kid. I don't find this metaphor that helpful, it's a bit guilt-inducing and permeates the book.Imagine your child is twenty-five years old. Do you want your child to be able to say, ‘No, that’s not okay with me,’ when someone asks her an inappropriate question? Do you want her to be able to ask for a raise? To be able to tell her partner, ‘I need you to talk to me more respectfully’? If we want our kids to be able to recognize their wants and needs as adults, then we need to start seeing tantrums as an essential part of their development.” Parenting is self-development The goal is to teach our kids how to manage all of their feelings and perceptions and thoughts and urges; we are the primary vehicle for this teaching, not through lectures or logic, but through the experiences our children have with us.” Es vēlos, lai mans bērns spētu tikt galā ar visu, ko pasaule liek viņam priekšā. Es vēlētos, kaut viņš justos atbalstīts grūtos brīžos, esot vēl maziņš, lai varētu sevi atbalstīt pieaugot. Raising children with the good-inside approach is ultimately about love and respect. Most behaviors that children exhibit should be easily understandable. After all, we have many of those same behaviors even as adults. Recognize that behavior isn’t the problem and that changing behavior isn’t the ultimate goal. Your child is good inside. There’s a reason they’re behaving the way they are. Your approach to their behavior has to start with connection. Your job is to hold boundaries. And by doing these things, you’re creating an environment that allows your child to feel safe, loved, and good on the outside. Genres

Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts ‎Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts

This approach overall is so needy on the part of the parents. There's so much in there that assumes being in your kid's face all the time (e.g., the 'fill you up with mommy' game, sitting with them in their room) will solve every issue. Sure...it's a flattering thought and I see why some parents like it. I’ve never had an adult come to my private practice and say, “Well, my parents were just such great parents that well… They got rid of all the hard feelings. I only feel happy!” But I have had hundreds of adults show up with essentially no coping skills for hard feelings. They are no better off at age 35 than when they were in early childhood regarding their ability to regulate frustration, jealousy, disappointment, sadness, and not-good-enough feelings. As someone who gets overstimulated easily, tantrums can be hard for me to deal with. It always helps to remind myself that tantrums, while uncomfortable, are normal and healthy. In these moments, the child is experiencing an emotion that is simply too big for them to regulate at their stage of development.Sometimes a child’s emotional demands are too high and it comes out in their body. Emotional tantrums, aggressive tantrums, and fear and anxiety are all manifestations of high emotional demands on a child who’s unable to regulate them. Ultimately, you want your child to grow up with resiliency and confidence. You want them to be able to navigate tough situations, understand consent, hold their own boundaries, and grow in their relationships. They won’t be confident if they don’t trust their own feelings. They can only trust their feelings if you model that trust by being with them through their emotional highs, holding the boundaries, and helping them recognize the good inside themselves. Summary Let’s say our kid comes home from school upset about not being invited to a slumber party. If we focus on a flight to happiness, we’d say, “Well you don’t even really like her anyways! It’s fine! Let’s plan our own slumber party that night. You can invite Keala and Aura and Pia.” If we focus on building resilience, we’d say, “I’m so glad you’re talking to me about this. It stinks to feel left out. I know.” And then pause to see what happens next. Maybe you share a story of being left out. Maybe your daughter eventually wants to plan her own slumber party—not from a place of avoidance, but as something that comes after feeling like it’s OK to feel sad and disappointed. This builds your child’s tolerance to sit with upset feelings because you’ve modeled that you are able to sit with this feeling. “The more able we are to regulate hard feelings, the more space there is in our bodies to generate happiness.”